How To Recover When God’s Will Breaks Your Heart

God's will quote

Thy will be done.

It is well with my soul.

These sayings and more are written to give us comfort when life seems to utterly break us. It must be God’s will. Something better is just around the corner. Consistently the top worship songs on any countdown are songs about struggles, overcoming our trials, and trusting God when we have absolutely nothing else to trust.

But what about when God’s will hurts us? What about when we are left with nothing but our faith to lean on? How can it be God’s will if it breaks our hearts?

As a recent college graduate, I know a thing or two about the devastating power of God’s will, and also of His unwavering faithfulness in the midst of my doubts. About two months ago, when I was knee deep in applications, messages, and updating my Linkedin profile, I was offered an internship out of the blue. A company reached out to me and offered me a full-time internship for the summer at a digital marketing firm.  The chance of it becoming a full-time position was so high that they didn’t even want to give me an end date on my internship. It seemed like an absolute dream come true to someone who was beginning to believe that God had forgotten about her in His quest to give everyone around me their dream jobs. But here was my chance. God had finally answered my prayers. Honestly, it was too good to be true.

Then, at 10 pm five nights before I was supposed to move to my uncle’s house to start my internship and what I thought was the rest of my future, I received a startling email. I thought it would be to elaborate on the email they had sent me the morning before about securing my state date for Monday, instead, I received an email that told  me that they actually didn’t have enough work for me to do this coming summer. So, ultimately, they needed to rescind their offer because they couldn’t afford me. To say that I was crushed was an absolute understatement. This was my future, my happily ever after, and now they were just going to take it back?

I turned off my computer and glanced around my crowded room that was filled with unpacked boxes and papers with to-do lists on them. I had just rerouted my mail this morning, permanently I might add.

But I hadn’t even sought out this company. I had gotten an email with their offer as suddenly as they had rescinded it. And I was left with no summer job, no job prospects, and no idea what my future was going to hold. At the moment, all I had was tears, disappointments, and outrage at God.

How could He allow this to happen to me? Why was it always me that was going through something?

It doesn’t help that as young adults who have just graduated from college, we have this innate desire to try to one-up each other on social media. That even though none of us have any clue what we are doing, we still feel the need to pretend that we do. It’s so easy to look at someone’s perfectly Instagrammed picture of their new apartment and not see the loneliness and fear that they are feeling. It’s easy to look at people’s excited Snapchat stories about them starting their first day of work, and not see the exhaustion they have every day from their long hours. It’s easy to put on a façade online, when we’re all facing the trial of trying to put what we’ve learned in classrooms into real jobs. It’s easy to see people vacationing to exotic places or maybe getting engaged, and thinking that they have it all together. To think that God must love them more than you. It is easy to feel like you are the only jobless loser on the face of this earth and that you are going to die alone in your parent’s house. Trust me, I’ve thought that for the past month practically. And I wish I could tell you that I turned to God right away when I heard the news. That I rushed into the word and didn’t let the devil instill fear into my heart. I wish I could tell you that. But I would be lying.

I didn’t do any of those things. I cried myself to sleep, woke up the next morning and wallowed around in my pjs all day, and definitely made sad bitter remarks of my outcome to my friends and family whenever I could squeak it in. I was a girl who felt utterly abandoned by God. Luckily, I am not someone who wallows long. I dived back into the word, back into my applications, and reached out to my professors for help with connections. I prayed on my knees every single day that God would provide me with something, anything. So I wouldn’t be stuck in my college hometown working at Tommy Hilfiger when all my underclassmen friends returned to school. I tried my best to have faith, even when I felt like the last two years of my life had been a constant battle with God to get a sliver of happiness for longer than three months. Maybe that’s slightly melodramatic, but still, I was upset.

In my time of desperation there were two things that kept me going. A song by Hillary Scott and a story about an old king named Hezekiah.

Hillary Scott has written a song recently that is climbing up the Christian charts called Thy Will. It is about wanting God’s will to prevail, even if it means we have to be hurting. That God’s will needs to come first, not our happily ever afters. A lyric from the song that resonated with me is,

“ I don’t wanna think, I may never understand. That my broken heart is part of your plan.”

Do you ever think that your trial, brokenness, and hurt could be part of God’s plan? That He has a purpose in our trials that we might never understand or see a purpose for. The most impactful part of that song( which I have attached at the bottom of this post) was that I was someone who regularly prayed for God’s will to be done in my life. I prayed that God would give me the desires He had for me and that His will would be done in my life even if it hurt. But I didn’t really mean it. I don’t think many of us do when we pray that courageous prayer. Of course, we want God’s will to be done, but only when it’s for our ultimate good. Of course, it’s God’s will when we meet our future husbands by chance, when we get our dream jobs, when we get the raise when we get into the sorority, when our families are healthy and striving. But what about when our jobs get cut, when we have no job, when we send out application after application only to hear nothing, when we are lonely in our first apartment, when we can’t find a church body that agrees with us, and when we can only afford cereal for dinner each night. How can that be God’s will?


Many people marvel and question what God’s will can truly be for their lives. It can be hard for them to make tough decisions because they are afraid God will punish them if they make the wrong choice. But God is omnipotent and omnipresence, He knows every thought we’ve ever had and the quietest desires of our hearts. He alone will always know what we are going to choose.

“For we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him.”- Romans 8:28

He isn’t just working for your good when everything is going well, He is working for your good and protecting you even in your toughest trials and moments. He was working for my good even when I didn’t get that internship. He was still working through my hurt and pain.

“When are times are good be happy; but when times are bad consider: God has made one as well as the other.”- Ecclesiastes 7:14

If we didn’t suffer, we would not be refined by God, and thus we would not be able to properly appreciate His blessings. Shockingly, the process for refining gold or minerals is not an easy one. It involves melting the gold, pouring acid over it, burning it, stirring it around, and hardening it. And it isn’t just your “friendly kitchen acid”, it’s nitric acid, hydrochloric acid. The process is so intense that it can only be completed in labs. Essentially you have to break down, destroy, and harden gold to get it to become the beautiful treasure we pay hundreds and thousands of dollars to possess. God is breaking you down to make you beautiful. He is going to use what you are going through right now as a story to encourage others, to strengthen your faith, and to be living proof of His faithfulness.

In 2 Kings 19, we are confronted with a story that takes place during King Hezekiah’s reign. King Hezekiah, unlike the kings before Him, followed the ways of the Lord. In this story, the commander of the Assyrian army is threatening Jerusalem with war. And this was not a threat to be taken lightly. The Assyrians were the ultimate war dogs of the time period. They completely destroyed any army that was placed in their tracks and made slaves of all the nations they defeated. Assyria was trying to turn Judah from King Hezekiah. By telling them that the Lord their God could not defeat their army. That they should surrender now before they were enslaved.

“This is what the king of Assyria says: Don’t let Hezekiah deceive you. He cannot deliver you from my hand. He says the Lord will deliver us. Has the lord of any nation ever delivered His land from the king of Assyria?” 2 Kings 18: 31.

But Hezekiah didn’t let His people or His army relent. Instead, the people prayed and fasted before The Lord. They did not forsake Him because the world said they should. In today’s world, people will say that you are crazy to depend on anyone for anything, especially God. How can God save us, they ask.

Hezekiah was in the same position and He never relented, just like we should never relent in our faithfulness to trust God’s provision. So what happened next? God stepped up like He always does. He sent an angel of death to the camp of Assyria and put a hundred and eighty-five thousand people to death. Judah didn’t even need to fight, God destroyed their enemy before they could even touch them.

Now I have no idea what battle you are fighting today and the hopelessness you might be feeling, but take heart! God sees your brokenness and He is longing to bless you. He is preparing well for you right now, even in the midst of your pain. God provided for me, even when I thought He had left me forever.


Within four weeks of that company rescinding their offer, I currently have received two job offers from prominent companies in my field. Full-time offers. In the same area as my internship I might add. So even though I was broken-hearted about losing out on my  happily ever after, God was preparing job offers for me that were so much more than I could ever imagine. And I am not sharing this to rub salt in your wounds if God has not provided for you yet. I am sharing this with you to show you that it does happen. It might not happen as quickly as mine did, but it will happen.

And who knows, this job might not be perfect either. This job could bring me trials or blessings. But you know what? I am much more equipped now to truly want God’s will to be done. To trust that He has a plan for me that might include me needing to be refined first. We are not promised goodness always when we become Christians, but we are promised that we will never walk alone. That God will not forsake us even when all seems lost. So is this my happily ever after then? Being able to start a full-time job at great company in a new city? No. Because I don’t have a happily ever after here on earth and neither do you. Our happily ever after is only fulfilled when we join our Savior in Heaven. There we will finally be refined like silver and gold, and completely ready for our forever with Him.

We might never understand the hurt and pain we must endure in this life, but we can understand that our God is for us, not against us. That He is good, even when our circumstances are not.


Link to Thy Will by Hillary Scott and Family!

Honest Confessions of a College Senior

When I was a little girl, and let’s face it still to this day, I used to be terrified of the dark. I was afraid that something was sure to grab me, kidnap me, or torture me if I didn’t have at least a little bit of light shining in my room. This, of course, seems ridiculous to someone who is older and wiser now, but I still can’t quite seem to fall asleep in absolute darkness. I like being able to see at least a sliver of the moon.

I wish I could say that the fears that plague me today are as easy to solve and cure as being afraid of the dark. Yet, there is no night light, cracked door, or moonlight sliver that can save me from the fear of the future or maybe just adulthood.  In around 30 days (give or take a few days) I will walk across the stage of my college and receive a piece of paper that represents the last four years of my entire life. It seems terrifying to me that something so easy to spill something on, be torn up, or blow away by the wind could be used to represent the most important four years of my life. That tiny piece of paper can’t begin to hold the countless friendships I have been blessed to find, the lessons I have learned inside and outside the classroom, the activities I’ve been able to lead and participate in, the tears I’ve cried, laughs that hurt my side, and memories that changed me into the woman I am today.

As I spend my last couple of weeks walking around the campus that has been my second home for the last four years I wonder, where has the time all gone?

I hope that you won’t scoff and laugh at my honesty too much in the rest of this post, but I hope that you can look at the words I feel compelled to write and feel a sense of relief that you aren’t alone. So what are my thoughts as I think about my life after college? It’s easily summed up in one word.  Terror.


I am terrified of being catapulted into a world where I have nothing to study, no new young people to meet, and have to make my own meals edible. I am terrified of never getting hired, or worse getting hired only to hate the job I have accepted. I am terrified that I will get fired from every job because my college education didn’t prepare me for the real world. I am terrified that my employers will hate me just because they can. I am terrified I will never make enough on a Communications salary to actually be able to live in an apartment, even with a roommate. I am terrified of losing touch with the amazing friends I have made in college. I am terrified of having no community. I am terrified of never getting married because I couldn’t find someone in the biggest pool of Christian boys I have ever known here at my college. I am terrified of getting fat because when will I ever have time to work out when I work a 9 to 5. I am terrified that I peaked in college. I am terrified that God is going to leave me alone to navigate this whole new exciting and terrifying world on my own.

And if you’re honest, I hope that you can admit and agree with some of my fears as well. I am not saying that I want to stay in college for years and years and never leave. I am simply saying that the date of graduation is approaching far quicker than I expected.

If I’m being honest, I would say that truthfully I have been pretty proud of myself for how I’ve handled this whole “college graduation approaching” thing. I have been calm, collected, trusting in God, and prayerful. I have not been intimidated when people asked me about my future because I so ardently believed that God had a great plan for me. One that preferably included me landing a job before graduation and moving into an apartment right after. I thought that my June would be filled with me beginning a new chapter in my life and going to craft stores to decorate my apartment. Even though I love my home and family, I was hoping I wouldn’t have to work at Tommy Hilfiger for the fourth summer in a row. So what happened? What happened to the girl who couldn’t be shaken in God’s plan for her? One word again, rejection.

I’ve had phone interviews, Skype interviews, in-person interviews, second interviews, third interviews, and what do I have to show for all of that?  One word, two letters, NO. Perfectly polite emails telling me, “Thanks, but no thanks,”  “If only you had 2 or 20 years of experience,” “We wish you the best of luck with your future.” And frankly, I just hit my breaking point.

To continue with my bout of honesty, I feel like I did the best I could to set myself up to get a job. I worked so hard on my grades in college, got involved in a wide array of activities that could help boost my resume, but also that I just really enjoyed, I stressed, I persevered, I singlehandedly led group project after group project, and what did I have to show for all that work? Oh right, no husband and no job. It probably wouldn’t seem that bad if the comparison hadn’t set in. It’s hard not to feel like crap when it seems like you are constantly surrounded by an endless wave of people gushing about their futures and exclaiming their great news through creative social media posts.  I am so happy and excited for all my friends that have their futures sealed up neatly with a bow, but it’s hard not to wonder why I can’t be as happy as they are too? Please, God, just this once?  Why does God always have to lead me through the path of mud, steep heels, and tree stumps to get to my destination? Why does God make it look so easy for everyone else?

Maybe you’ve asked yourself that same question. Maybe you’re wondering where the heck God has been when He’s supposed to be planning your happily ever after?


But I am here to tell you some honest news that I desperately need to hear as well. God is good. Not sometimes, not when He feels like it, not to just certain people, not depending on the weather, but always. He is always faithful. He is always just. He is always looking out for us. I can tell you the story after story about my life that sound just like this. God leading me through a path that is full of thickets and thorns, brush burns and scraped knees, which ultimately lead to me learning a lesson along with a journey that grew me into a more Christ-centered person. Because every time I have come up against a challenge and a period of waiting, God has revealed Himself as far greater than I could ever imagine.

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine.”- Ephesians 3:20

“ Our soul waits for the Lord: He is our hope and shield.”- Psalm 33:20

“Wait for the Lord; be strong, take heart, and wait for the Lord.” – Psalm 27:14

He was there when I was stressed out and crying because I had bombed my math SAT and thought I would never get into college. He was there when I was terrified of not making any friends in college. He was there when I thought I would never get an internship last summer, and provided me with one when the time was right. He was there when the social activities, papers, and assignments seemed to be all too much for my sophomore heart to handle.

God knows what we need and when we need it. He knows where we are going to be a year from now when we are so grateful for all the “No’s” we have received. He alone can build something good and beautiful out of the wrong turns, mistakes, and sins that our lives are littered with.

So take a look back at your life. Has there ever been a moment where God has not seen you through? Where His way has not ultimately made you the happiest and led to the best results? Where has He not had your best interests at heart?

Being a senior in college is a terrifying time, but instead of wasting our time pouting, crying, and stressing out about what is yet to come, we need to bow our knees before the King and ask Him to show us. Ask Him to strengthen our hearts as we wait. Ask Him to allow peace to invade our anxious and competitive souls. Ask Him to show us the path when we are left out of options and have absolutely nowhere to turn.

So in the honor of continuing in my honesty, there are still some days when I am really frustrated with God. When I see yet another Facebook post of another friend getting that dream job or getting engaged, but that doesn’t take away from the amazing and good plans God has already put into place for you and for me. There are days where I can barely fall asleep because my stomach is sick with the thought of what life after graduation is going to look like. Days where I cry to God because I don’t know why I was rejected from yet another job that seemed so perfect for me. Because we can’t see the big picture that God can. We will never understand why we have to endure struggles, see pain and have these frustrations, but we do know that God is ultimately leading us to Him.

Remember back to the beginning of this article when I was talking about my fear of the dark. Now, it’s the fear of the future. But this time, instead of the night light or sliver of moon to help me feel safe, I have something much better. And He’s just waiting to take my hand and yours and lead us out of the dark and into the light.

What Does God Say About Women’s Roles

But what if I’m not gentle and quiet? What if I can’t cook? What if I want to work? These thoughts and more have consistently come to my mind when trying to understand what my role as a woman of Christ should be. Let’s face it, it’s tough enough to be a woman in today’s society without the pressure of feminism, sexist workplace behaviors, and traditional roles. Many of us are left wondering what exactly are God’s plan for women? And are we not able to serve God as well as men?

To be honest, I am not the typical woman figure. I hate cooking and any forms of baking, hate cleaning and have far too much energy to be content staying at home every day while I kiss my husband goodbye as he goes off to work. Oh yeah, and I really can’t sew. Does that mean I’m going to be a failure to my husband if I get married? Does that mean that I am a disgrace to women?


Ladies, let me be the first to tell you that God does not have the same roles for any two people, so why would we assume that He should have the same roles for any two women. He might call one woman to a life of staying at home and looking after her family, while He calls another woman to live working high up at a business. Both are able to make a difference for God’s kingdom, but they are used in two very distinct ways.

Have you ever noticed that women that are quiet seem to have all the luck? That they are the ones who always get the boy attention because they  appear to be so “quiet and mysterious.” To be frank, I’ve always wanted to be a little quieter. To not constantly be getting in trouble for saying something I would regret later. But we have come to believe the lie that we as women are expected to behave this way. That we are only worthy to God when we are off to the side and silent. This is not true.

God created no two personalities to be the same, that is why He knew exactly what He was doing when He created you loud or soft-spoken, introverted or extroverted. He had an exact plan and exact skills He gifted you with different from anyone else. Women, we need to stop being so silent in our congregations, silent in our Bible studies, and silent in the way we are serving God.

God now more than ever needs to have women who are vocal, women who are outspoken about His truths, and women who are not afraid to combat the expectations of the media and voices of the world. We need to be powerful in the way we serve the Lord. God can use us to make a difference in other women’s lives in ways that men could never imagine. We need to have women who can mentor each other, who can teach our daughters how to be modest and how to be kind, and women who can be missionaries to those broken by sex trafficking and rape. God has unique plans for women to not only serve other women, but to serve children, men, and any age group. Don’t let the verses in the Bible( particularly Timothy) that are about women’s roles allow you to remain silent. God has amazing plans for you to further His kingdom in ways that men never could.

So what the only food you can make perfectly is scrambled eggs? So what you sometimes forget to dust your dorm room? So what you enjoy sweatpants more than dresses? Does that make you any less of a woman of God? Absolutely not.

One verse that really identifies how we should behave as women of God is 1 Peter 3:4 that says,

“ Let your adornment be that of an inner self with the lasting beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.”


News flash ladies, gentleness isn’t a personality type, it’s a type of action. One of the words I have consistently heard mentioned( mostly by my own mother) that I lack would be gentleness. If you know me at all, you know that I am a pretty loud and energetic person, a quiet spirit is pretty much farthest from the truth.

But does that mean I will be a failure to my husband if I get married? Not at all! Learning to be gentle and learning to be more of a Godly woman are not skills we are born or not born with, they are skills we are meant to learn. So let’s unpack this definition of the word gentleness, shall we?

According to a Biblical dictionary, gentleness means the sensitivity of disposition and kindness in behavior, founded on strength and prompted by love.

So what does this look like in real life? It means being kind and mature in the ways that we handle conflict and controversy. That could be choosing our battles with those who disagree and antagonize us, instead of adding fuel to the fire with our hasty words. So we must become women that are quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Not women who are the first to write a heated Facebook post or vent about that one girl on our hall. It means watching what we say because we know that all we do can either positively or negatively be connected back to God.

It means being strong. To be women who are not afraid to gently confront our friends when we see them going down a wrong path, to tell our best friend the guy she is dating is not a strong enough Christian, and to have the willpower to not get drunk on the weekends when it seems like everyone else is doing it. To stand firm in our convictions. To not let the new guy we just started dating push us farther than we are comfortable physically, or not allowing ourselves to give into the temptation to wear the shorter skirt or lower cut top when we know we’ll be around a boy we are interested in. It’s not only knowing and understanding the Bible but living it out in our actions and deeds. We must be strong women who hold fast to Biblical teachings when the world and even our friends and families are trying to lead us astray.


Finally, being gentle means being kind. Not just acting kind to people’s faces and later talking about them behind their backs, but actually being kind. Truly caring about others and loving them as God loves them.  Realizing the gifts that other people have to offer and encourage them in those, instead of becoming jealous that they are not our own. Dropping everything when a friend is in need or just when your roommate needs someone to look over her paper. Being the type of friend that God calls all of us to be. Intentional, encouraging, prayerful, and loving.

It can be tough being a woman in today’s world, but by looking to God to help us understand our roles, we will be able to serve Him in ways we never thought possible.

So the next time you find yourself feeling bad that you have more of a passion for the homeless than for baking in the kitchen, realize that God has placed that calling in your heart.

Don’t let what you think you should stop you from what God has called you to be.


Being Content In The Midst of Uncertainty

There are many things in my 21 years of life that I have struggled with being able to do well. For example, I can’t cut in a straight line with a pair of scissors. I’m actually not joking you when I was in second grade my teacher was so concerned with my lack of crafting that she called the school psychologist to assess me to make sure I didn’t have a brain problem. I also lack a sense of awareness of my own body. That means, more often than not, I have been the blunt force that caused holes in the kitchen walls, random appliances to break, and stained my coffee table with nail polish remover. I can go on and on, but I think you get the picture. But despite being terrible at those more humorous and minor areas of my life, there has always been a big area of my life I have struggled with, finding contentment.

Being content is so frustrating because as Christians we think it should come naturally. Once we accept the Savior of the world into our broken hearts shouldn’t we just be overwhelmed with a constant sense of joy?  We wake up every morning and read the daily news about people starving, children being sold as slaves, and ISIS bombing more countries, and for that split second we realize how blessed we are. As we kiss our healthy families goodbye, run off to our jobs in our fully functional vehicles, that brief news update on the radio is what reminds us to send that “I’m so grateful that’s not my prayer,” up to the God of the universe. And then what do we do? We change the channel, we forget, we get so wrapped up in our minuscule problems and worries that we wallow, we cry, we pout, and we doubt.

Because whether we admit it in the confines of Christian friend groups or not, we like to think we have it all figured out. So we buy planners labeled with “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” we text our friends encouraging Bible verses, and we throw our hands in the air to truly surrender all to God, once a week at church. But what about when the storm comes? What about when a loved one gets a terrifying diagnosis, a boy breaks your heart, you don’t get that dream job, or a friend walks away from you forever? How can we be content and praise God when we feel like He’s messing everything in our perfectly planned lives up? Didn’t He know that our now ex-boyfriends were supposed to be our future husbands? Didn’t He know we had built our futures around those jobs and excitedly told our friends and families all about them? Doesn’t He know that when we tell Him to give and take we really only mean give?


As a senior in college, I have had my fair amount of doubts about my upcoming plans for the future. It’s hard to trust God’s every tumultuous plan when you have no job, no boyfriend, and no idea where in the world you will find yourself this time next year. Because my school is safe, the friends I have in college are safe, my Christian college bubble is safe, but the real world? That’s anything but safe. But one thing I have learned in this time of uncertainty is what it truly means to walk with God and be content. It doesn’t mean that I am joyful with all my circumstances or the current challenges I might be facing, but it means that I am accepting of whatever life throws at me as part of God’s sovereign plan. I realize in my hardships that God is still good, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

When you have more rejection letters than you know what to do with…….He is still good.

When you have to leave the best friends you have ever known to return to living at your parents’ house……He is still good.

When the boy you’ve planned your whole future around forgets to call, loves another, or isn’t found……..He is still good.

When your whole life is a puddle in your hands and you don’t even know how you are going to make it through…… He is still good.

Right now, I am in the midst of a serious time of having to rely on God and be content that His plan is always greater than any I can conjure up in my overactive imaginative head. This past fall, I had the opportunity to apply for a postgrad fellowship program. The program seemed to meet all the check marks on my list of “best job ever”. It was in Pittsburgh, PA right near my family, would give me the opportunity to be mentored both professionally and spiritually, give me the chance to serve in a capacity at a church, and live in community with other people freshly venturing into the realm of adulthood. In my mind, it was meeting all my expectations and God’s too; how could He not want this for me? All was going well with my application. I was meeting all the right people, connecting with others, and getting compliments left or right. Frankly, I thought this was in the bag.

Then, I got a call from the program director. Apparently, the internship I had this summer had “descriptively” wrecked me on the reference sheet I had asked them to fill out, and I was no longer a viable option for this prestigious program. The internship where I had loved the people I worked with, where they had given me a perfectly normal exit interview, and the very people I had just seen weeks earlier at my college’s career fair. You know how they greeted me in front of my school, God, and everyone else at that career fair?  My boss hugged me tightly and wished me the absolute best of luck in my job finding process. No, this wasn’t a perfectly orchestrated soap opera, this was suddenly my life. And when I said they destroyed me on this reference form, I’m not exaggerating. I’m not crying because they gave me a 4 instead of a 5. They so utterly destroyed my chances that my trusted teacher who saw their response could only describe it as “malicious.” He said he had never seen a reference form where the company said not one good thing about a person. Not. One. Good. Thing.

To say I was devastated was almost an understatement. Suddenly, my heart was full of fresh scars of rejection, pain, and loss. My confidence was shattered; I began questioning everything I was and who my identity was as a worker. Hadn’t I provided them with good material? Hadn’t I tried my best to carefully craft them social media plans, research, and blog posts? Didn’t I still have a thank you card from them sitting cold in the bottom of my desk drawer?

What was wrong with you God? Didn’t you know that I had picked this opportunity to best serve you and serve others? Didn’t He want me to be happy and thrive? Then I got my answer. No. No, He did not want me to be a part of this graduate program. No, He didn’t want me to serve others and Him in this way. No, this wasn’t His plan. It was mine. Talk about swallowing some major pride. Because when we are in the midst of the storm it is always so hard to see that there is good waiting on the other side. That we missed out on that seemingly perfect job opportunity because there was a bigger and better option waiting for us. We cry and cry and hold onto the strands of our heart the boy left us with, but we neglect to see how God wants to use us in our singleness or notice that quiet boy that could be God’s actual match for us.


Because life is painful, our lives are messy more than perfect, and rejection looms at every corner.  But it is the only evidence of a broken world, not the gracious and faithful God we serve and love. We have to believe at the core of our heart, at the bottom of every fallen tear, at the struggle of every unanswered prayer, that there is a God out there who knows so much better. A God who holds us in the midst of our struggles and is whispering His promises to our unresponsive hearts. Being content isn’t about putting on the right face. About faking it around your friends, about posting lots of cute calligraphy Bible verses on Instagram. No. Contentment is not about holding it all inside of you into you explode. It’s not being strong, it’s knowing that it’s ok to be weak.

But He said to me, ” Your grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”- 2 Corinthians 12:9

That it’s ok to ask your friends for help through prayer, it’s ok to mourn your losses and have a good crying session, and it’s ok to even be a little peeved at God. Contentment is found in our moments of extreme doubt and panic. When we dismiss the enemy and say “God’s got this”. It’s reading verse after verse in the Psalms about God’s provision and faithfulness. It’s about looking back at the hard times in your life and remembering that God allowed you to make it through unharmed into the bigger, brighter tomorrow.

I love this section from Jesus Calling,

“ Thankfulness takes the sting out of adversity. That is why I have instructed you to give thanks for everything. There is an element of transaction: You give me thanks( regardless of your feelings) and I give you joy( regardless of your circumstances).

He gives us joy regardless of our circumstances. Just let that sink in. So all those times we have chosen to freeze God out in favor of our favorite movies, food, person, or activity, we were just giving satan a foothold to add more negativity into our lives. We can’t always change our circumstances. We can’t change the hurt we have received, the closed doors were wish were open, or where God is taking us on our life journey, but we can change one thing. Our attitudes. We can choose praise when everyone else is choosing doubt. We can choose to praise God in our adversity and trials and view them as opportunities to see His goodness instead of having our hearts become bitter and hardened.

So, what am I going to do in response to my circumstances? I know for a fact that I’m not going to wake up every day praising God like I should. I’m still going to have times where I stress cry to my mom or roommate, feel hopeless, and get angry at God. But, this time, something will have changed. I won’t give the devil the satisfaction of causing my heart to become bitter and hardened. I’m going to take a deep breath, try to stop the string of fear and doubt running through my mind, and turn to God to pray. Friends, contentment isn’t found at the bottom of an ice cream container or fry basket, contentment is found on our knees as we present our requests to God and wait to hear His call of direction.

Contentment is realizing God’s plan will always be better than any you imagined in your head. It’s choosing praise each and every day when your head and heart are screaming at you to doubt. So be joyful, be excited, be encouraged; God has an amazing plan and area He is preparing to use you in. So, what do you say? Are you ready to surrender all to God today? To accept the good and the bad?

Because in the midst of our greatest tragedies is when our best stories are formed. Let what God is leading you through today be a story that can bring encouragement to others in the future.


How To Forgive Someone Who Has Wronged You

In today’s society, it can easy to look around and have almost anything cause you to become angry. Maybe it’s the political post of an annoying Facebook friend, the lies you just found one of your best friends has been telling about you, or a hurtful comment from a family member. Maybe for a long time, your heart has been angry at God for not granting you that one job or one thing you’ve always wanted.

Truthfully, I didn’t fully understand the depth of anger until almost two years ago. I was in the midst of starting my sophomore year at Grove City and I remember coming home on my fall break excited to relax with my family and finally not have to eat cafeteria food. Instead, I came home to my mother telling me that my father had left our house and essentially their marriage was over.

Now, I am not one of those kids who ever once believed her parents had a fairy tale romance. My father is a dairy farmer whose idea of spending quality time with me was forcing me to milk for him on Saturday nights. He wasn’t a bad guy, just not a good father. He never hit me or my brother or mom, he never cheated on my mother with another woman, but he also never made us a priority. It still stuns me to realize that there are girls out there whose fathers buy them flowers for Valentine’s Day and actually knows the names of their friends from college.

Since my parents have been separated for the past two-ish years, I have had to start to form a relationship with my father on my own. Nothing could’ve been tougher. At his core, my dad is a taker and not very much of a giver. My relationship with him revolves around his work. I hardly hear from him during the crop season of the summer, but he will be texting me all the time like we are the closest friends when he is bored in the winter. Even when my mom finally told us what happened, I had to be the one to call him first.

And it makes me crazy angry. Like, want to rip up something or scream in his face angry. Because people like my dad can never admit they were wrong. That they were the ones who neglected my mother, tormented my brother, and made me some sort of weird favorite. He can never admit that he actually messed up. And that’s the hardest part, isn’t it? Forgiving someone who doesn’t admit they are wrong or who doesn’t ask you for forgiveness. How do you forgive someone who doesn’t realize what they did was wrong?


Now I can’t pretend to know your story or relate to the pain that anger or a lack of forgiveness has had on your life. I don’t know the number of tears you’ve cried over the boy who didn’t like you but tried to ask out your best friend, the mother who wanted you to be perfect out of the womb or the parent who never made you their priority, but I know that holding that anger inside only destroys you.

The Bible talks plenty about God’s wrath and anger, but it also holds the answer to how we as humans can deal with our internal anger and conflicts.

Ephesians 2:26-27 says, “ In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Don’t give the devil a foothold.”

Ecclesiastes 7:9 says, “ Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.”

It seems that the only person our anger benefits is satan. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to give him any more advantage over me then he already has. We can be hypocrites in our anger, becoming self-righteous and not forgiving a person often times for the same crimes we have committed. Sure, I did not abandon my family or put my job over them like my father did to me, but I have ignored God. I have ignored Him in favor of friends or Netflix episodes or sleeping in. I have put idols and my own desires ahead of God’s and rushed through my devotions to get to the rest of my day. Frankly, I have done just what my dad has done to me.

Now I am not saying that we as humans aren’t allowed to feel hurt and let down and angry. The problem happens when we let this anger consume and intensify to passive aggression, hurting other people, and letting it damage our self-worth. God is the ultimate judge of the earth and He will see that each person will pay the price for their sin. Just like the women who was being stoned for adultery, we are not worthy to cast the first stone.

There might be days where your anger is incapacitating, or you feel like you can never forgive the person who has hurt you, but that is a lie. The power of Jesus Christ lives inside you and He alone can help you to conquer this anger.

But how can you start?

1.Talk to someone. Whether that be a family member, counselor, or friend, sometimes you need to get off your chest what has been bottling up inside you. Let them give you wisdom and pray over you for healing.

2.Write about it. I have always felt a lot of relief from talking to God through writing. It is a great outlet to be able to say whatever you need to without having anyone around. It can also be a great tool you can look back on to monitor your improvement.

3.Let go. It can be hard to forgive and pretend like nothing has happened when someone has wronged you so badly. But I guarantee you that letting the weight go is going to give you the freedom and peace you are craving. So what that awful friend of yours is never going to apologize for gossiping about you? So what you have a dead beat dad that has a pride problem? So what you had your heart broken by an ex-boyfriend who you gave everything to? Being angry isn’t going to make them change or make you feel better. If you want to let go of your anger, you need to be the one willing to change.

Last summer, I postponed the last of the seven deadly sins from my series because I didn’t want to share my story with anger. But now I realize that this anger I feel doesn’t have to define me, and it doesn’t have to define you either.

Are you willing to let your anger go today?