The Real Reason You’re Single This Valentine’s Day

Ah, Valentine’s Day.  The birds are singing, the chocolate is selling, and love is in the air..except for you. Once again you’ve received flowers from your family members and heartfelt notes from your girlfriends telling you of your importance, but still nothing from the men you have been pining after or hoping to be noticed by. It can be easy to feel that there has to be something wrong with you or something terrible you’ve done to deserve this fate of singleness. Today, I hope that you realize that you are so loved and cherished by the God of the universe. That you were not created on a whim, on a random thought, or by accident; you were made on purpose for a purpose. No boy, no man, no relationship can possibly satisfy you the way that God alone can. So why are you single this Valentine’s Day? Let’s find out!

  1. It Is Strengthening Your Faith

“ Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from satan to keep me from becoming proud.”- 2 Corinthians 12:7

I don’t understand why you are single, why you feel lonely, or why that man with a heart after God’s own didn’t like you back, but I do know that God is always good. In the midst of painful heartbreaks, loneliness, and dateless Valentine’s Days, He is still good.

singleness quote

Before this year, I failed to realize what a blessing singleness could be; what a gift from God it truly is. I look around at some of my closest friends and see the ways they have been devastated by boys, held them as they cried from their broken hearts, and saw their love cast aside by the men who promised to never let them go. I realize that God protecting my heart from these pains of life should not be seen as anything other than a positive. I have no idea why some girls have to go through more heartbreak than others, but I do know that we face different things in life to learn different lessons. Wherever God has placed you on this day, whether in a relationship, single as a pringle, or getting over a heartbreak, He has a specific lesson He wants you to learn through this trial. He does not want you to become conceited. He wants you to wholly rely on Him.

For many girls, having a boyfriend means having built in affirmation and confidence. But, when you have never had that boyfriend, you have to look for affirmation in other ways. One of the ways we can become dependent on God is by asking Him to fill our hearts with His affirmation. I have to constantly ask Him to remind me about His promises. To realize that He will  never leave me, forsake me, or abandon me. He promises to constantly love me, that I am always His, and that He has great plans for me. He tells me that I am altogether beautiful, that I was loving crafted, and promises to wipe the tears of every unrequited love from my eyes.

No man can possibly affirm you with these statements every second of the day. No man can intimately know you and love you the way God perfectly does. No man can guarantee that he will never leave you. But God can promise these things. Men may hurt our hearts, fail us, and leave us broken, but God is the one who stitches us back together. A man may not pursue you, but God is constantly in pursuit of our attention and time. So, yes, you might not have Mr. Darcy strutting across a dewy field to find you in the early morning, but you have an all-encompassing God who is with you every waking and sleeping moment of every day, just anxiously waiting to woo you

2. Your Standards Are Too High

First, having high standards is an absolutely necessary and healthy part of any relationship. It keeps us from suffering abuse, cruelty, and harmful situations that we shouldn’t be in, in the first place. However, as all girls will confess to, we often have ideas of exactly how we want our future boyfriends and husbands to be that aren’t so healthy.  We make up unrealistic expectations and scorn perfectly lovely men because they are “too hipster” or “not funny.” Is that really what we should be most worried about? What about finding a man who can encourage you to be a better person and most importantly encourage you in your relationship with Christ? What about finding a man who will love God more than He will ever love you? What about finding a man who is hardworking, kind, considerate, and patient? What about these intangible qualities that aren’t as much fun to wish for as athletic, musical, and dresses well?

singleness bible verse

The only standard that God calls us to look for in our spouses is this:

“ Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. How can the righteous be a partner with wickedness? How can light live in darkness?”- 2 Corinthians 6:14

I am not saying that there aren’t other important qualities to look for in a dating relationship, but this is the most important. Being able to find a man who can lead you in your faith and who can be the spiritual head of your household is the one area where God tells us we can’t settle. Just a side note, it’s important to realize that it is very unlikely to meet a boy in one of your college classes that is ready to be the spiritual head of your household. I must confess that I just learned how to cook grilled cheese over break; I am not ready to be someone’s wife. But part of any good relationship is seeing the potential in the other person and working towards the common goal of marriage together.

It’s great to have deal breakers when looking for future men you can enter into relationship with, but make sure they are in line with God’s word and His promises, not our own human flaws.

Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies. We use our time to pout and cry and whine about not finding any great Christian men. We can roll our eyes with our friends about how no one has the guts to pursue us, but are we really looking? Or are we caught up in the men who aren’t right for us, the men who have broken our hearts, and the men that God knows would be all wrong for us? Are we really praying for discernment and being open to whoever God might bring along for us, or are we too busy eating out of our ice cream cartons to lift our eyes? Sometimes the men that are exactly right for us are right in front of our faces, we just need to take the time to look.

  1. It’s Not In God’s Timing…Currently

“ Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine.”- Ephesians 3:20

“ For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”- Ephesians 2:10

singleness quote

It can be easy as we look around at a media full of Bridal television shows, Facebook posts filled with unexpected engagements, and even our own groomless wedding boards on Pinterest, and  feel like we are the only ones that are alone. But think of some of your best friends and loved ones that are single just like you. What do you think is the matter with them? As a culture and as the religion of Christianity, we need to stop believing that we are somehow less as women, less as people, and less close to God if we don’t experience Godly relationships or marriage. That God is punishing us for the mistakes we have made in the past. That God thinks that we are too dirty, stained, or blemished for some of the men who love Him most of all. That if a man isn’t actively pursuing our hearts that they aren’t worth pursuing.

I don’t know why I am in a season of waiting on a relationship, or why God has called me( not by my own choice), to remain single throughout college and high school, but I do know that He is unfolding a much bigger plan than I can ever comprehend. That someday in the future when I meet my Mr. Right, or if I simply find something bigger I am called to do, that I will see His fingertips at work through the entire process. They were stealthily at work through all the nights I cried myself to sleep, hated who He had created me to be, and felt so discouraged about finding anyone who could love me. That while I felt like absolute garbage because no one asked me to their fraternity formal, that God was right there constantly reminding me of my worth. I urge you to stop wasting your energy on being impatient, and instead pray to be the women you need to be when you are called to be a wife and mother.

Pray to love the God of the universe more than the butterflies you get around that special someone. Pray to be able to serve your future spouse in a way that can constantly point them towards Christ. Pray that you aren’t missing God’s bigger purpose for your life by whining about your singleness. Pray that God will reveal to you how utterly and exquisitely enough you are. It is up to us to push onward in a vast sea of happy couples to find the greater plan that God wants to use us for right now.  Embrace this time of singleness as a way to plug into your friend groups, school work, ministry opportunities, and time with God.

I hope this blog post has helped you to realize that there really is no specific or valid reason why you are alone this Valentine’s Day.   Remember that you are a daughter of the one true God. He will never leave you, forget to text you back, or insult you. He will never make you feel like you are too much, not enough, or unappreciated. He is ready to satisfy your dry and cracking heart today. Though the chocolate covered strawberries, flattering words of a man, and flowers may fade, our God’s love for us will always remain the same. Happy Valentine’s Day!

3 Lies That All Single People Believe

“Maybe it’s just not God’s plan for me to get married.”

“I mean with so many beautiful girls around me how can I ever get noticed?”

“God, is something wrong with me? Is that why I’m still single?” 

Whether you’d liked to admit it or not, we’ve all had these thoughts run through our heads when we are single. The sad thing is after so much time we come to believe them. So we pick out a boy that we see in the cafeteria with dreamy eyes, find out where he studies, and stalk him until we become friends. We find ourselves settling for boys that have very blatant flaws because we are so terrified of being alone. We have become a generation of women that aggressively pursue men for the hopeful chance that this one could be the one that solves all our problems. We cry ourselves to sleep every time the boy we picked for ourselves doesn’t reciprocate our feelings, watch a romantic comedy and desperately ache to be a real life heroine, and eat our feelings every Saturday night we remain at home dateless.

Why oh women is this what we have become? Why are we so afraid of the word single that we feel ashamed and dirty at the thought of being independent? Why do we fantasize about these amazing men to ignore the ultimate One that matters the most?

Because we have bought into the media, our familial pressure, and most importantly satan’s lies to why we are truly single. We have allowed ourselves to be manipulated by him time and time again and ignored the rescuing call of the One who constantly saves. That stops now.

Lie #1: Maybe it’s something wrong with mebible verse about singleness

It can be hard as girl to not compare ourselves to others. To not worry we’re too curvy, too skinny, too quiet, too loud, too fun, too serious, the list goes on and on. As a very outgoing girl, I worry that my personality is too big for any boy to be able to handle. I’m loud, obnoxiously cheerful, and talk far too much for many men’s taste. For so long I wondered if my singleness was due to any of these flaws that could be “too much” for anyone to handle. Maybe, if I pretend to be that quiet girl they all seem to admire, I will actually become her. Maybe, just maybe, I can keep enough of myself hidden that they won’t need to know who I really am until after I’ve walked down the aisle. Maybe, if I’m lucky, I can bury the person God intended me to be in order to become someone I don’t even recognize. This is a vicious, ungodly untruth.

The Lord created us all uniquely, with different personalities, backgrounds, and passions. He did not create us to pretend to be someone we are not and to hide our gifts and selves under the comparisons of the world. If that boy thinks that your personality is too big for him to handle, then good riddance. If that boy thinks you need to lose weight, then good riddance. God knows you better than anyone in this whole universe, yet we doubt that He would be able to bring us a boy who would be capable of loving those very qualities about ourselves that we cringe from.

Lie #2: You are not worth pursuingquote about single life

How many times have you complained about not being asked out? How many times have you had the door slammed in your face because no one opened it, had to pay for a date, or txted the guy first? Maybe you think that chivalry is dead and that it is up to women to now be the ones who pursue. Now I am not going to get into the debate on if girls should ask boys out, but I do believe that the man should be the one who is ultimately leading your relationship. He is called to be a servant-leader, not just a servant.

I’m currently at the end of my junior year of college and I can honestly say I believe I am the only one of many of my girlfriends that has not been asked out on a date during college. Now, I’m not saying that to complain or to make you feel sorry for me, I am saying that because I get it. I get waking up early before your 8 am class because you want to look cute in case you run into any potential boys. I get angrily praying to God because I wonder what the heck is wrong with me that I can’t get a boy to just ask me to go get ice cream. I get having a great conversation with a boy just to find out he’s really interested in getting to know one of your seemingly prettier friends.

The answer is simple. Nothing is wrong with me and nothing is wrong with you either. This applies whether you’ve just had your heart broken by that jerk, are going through a very severe dateless drought, or think only the weird boys want to ask you out. The truth is we are in a constant pursuit each and every day. God is longing after our hearts and every day He tries to delight us into His presence. Yet, we make it so difficult for Him. We pout, we cry, we get angry, yet He is patiently waiting in the wings holding our hearts in His hands screaming at us to trust Him. Not worth pursuing? To God that thought is incomprehensible.

We were so worth pursuing, our dirty shallow hearts were so worth pursuing, He gave up the most precious thing He had, His life.

So stop the comparisons, the wallowing, and most importantly stop trying to control. Just sit back, relax, and realize God has big plans for this area of your life whether you stay single or get married.

“ You are altogether lovely my darling, there is no fault in you.”You are altogether lovely my darling; there is no fault in you

Lie #3: The ultimate goal of life if to be married

Everyone has those family members that scour their Facebook pages and constantly ask you if that boy who was awkwardly tagged in the background of that picture of you with your roommate is your new significant other. They bother and pester and pod until you have enough time to come up with an embellished excuse about how “your guys friends are great, really.” And “no one gets asked out at your school, it’s just weird.” They’ll then get that sad look in their eyes, pat your hand, and say, “You’re too young anyways for a serious relationship”, when behind their eyes are the worries that you’ll be forever alone. And let’s face it, you’re thinking the same thing too. Especially when the other members of your family and best friends seem to have found their Mr. Right, it can hard to not wonder when it’s going to be your turn.

Society tells us with programs like Say Yes To The Dress, Bridezillas, and many others that a woman isn’t really complete until she’s bagged a man and had her dream wedding. We as women can start to feel like spinsters at the ripe old age of 20 or 21. Do you know that the average age for women to get married in the United States is 27? That most people are waiting to get married and don’t meet their spouses in college or high school? How can we spend so many years of our lives “not really existing”? Our purpose on earth is simple. To love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, and mind, and to love our neighbors as ourselves. That’s it.

We are called to follow God first and foremost and to think about veils and bridal gowns later. God calls us to serve and witness to Him, which I’m pretty sure is still possible to do single. Ladies, there is so much more to life and relationships than meets the eyes. It’s not all adorable filtered Instagram pictures and cheerful Facebook updates. It’s not all birthday collage posts and surprise flowers on Valentine’s Day. It’s work. It’s sacrifice. And most importantly it’s selfless. So yes, relationships are great and fantastic, but no boy can possibly fill the God shaped hole your heart is aching for. No boy can love you or know you the way God does. No boyfriend or husband can be your reason for being alive or the answer to the meaning of the universe. God has called us all to a great purpose and has equipped us with the tools to complete it. So instead of spending so much time daydreaming, wallowing, and eating, we should be spending that time growing with God, and having Him give us the wisdom to know His plan and follow it for our lives.

Don’t be afraid of the single life, embrace it. Because the truth is, you may be single for many reasons that right now don’t make any sense. Right now, God loves you so unspeakably much that He just can’t bear to share you with anyone not worthy of His standards. So get out, go out, and build the kingdom. Don’t waste your time fishing calories out of a Ben and Jerry ice cream pint, fish wisdom out of God’s word, fish peace out of God’s eternal self, and fish patience out of God’s truth.

That one person who is perfect for you in every way is already in your life and He’s knocking at the door of your heart to be let in.

Are You Lusting After Mr. Right??

When we think of the word lust a lot of bad images come to mind. We think of boys hiding behind screens of pornography, that girl from your high school that always winded up in the backseat of a boys’ car, and all of the boys our gazes have lingered on longer than is polite. However, though that type of lust is very real and evident in our culture today, that is not that same lust I am going to be discussing as among one of the seven deadly sins. There is a different lust that can affect even the most confident of girls and that is what I would like to call the “perfect man lust.”

Remember when you were in junior high or frankly your freshman year of college and you sat around with your girlfriends and talked about all the traits that you wanted in your future spouse. When you were younger you said things like great hair, good smile, has abs. And as you got older you might have said things like hardworking, funny, smart, and even godly. While this isn’t inherently bad, this practice can fill our minds with things that we think we need to have. It can make us start to idolize these qualities and overall idolize our idea of what relationships are.

We live in a world that is glorified by Nicholas Sparks romance novels, Say Yes To The Dress episodes, and the idea that if we can just find love our life will start to have meaning. We start to be brainwashed into thinking that our life is meaningless without a husband that fits all the checks on our lists. While marriage is a great and healthy desire, it can become problematic when we start lusting after the idea of having that perfect relationship more than we lust after our Creator . It can be far too easy to fill the void in our hearts with a cute boy who says all the right things. But once the excitement of a new relationship has faded, we might find ourselves still wondering what is missing.

Though I have never been in a relationship myself, I do realize that I have spent most of my adolescent life lusting after having a boyfriend or rather the idea of a boyfriend. I spent so many years feeling sorry for myself because I thought that not having a boyfriend meant there was something wrong with me. I would find myself getting frustrated with these boys I liked because they weren’t living up to my unrealistic standards. We as a culture have taught our teenage girls that if a boy doesn’t consider them to be worthy, they aren’t. That if they don’t have boys lusting after them constantly they are not worthy of being pursued. That is such a false statement. God is constantly in pursuit of our hearts. He is the one person that no matter how many times we’ve stained our pillow cases with tears of boys who don’t deserve our hearts and forgotten about Him, has still been there reaching for our hearts.

“Above all else guard your heart for everything you do flows from it- Proverbs 4:23.”

Our hearts are more fragile than we realize. If we don’t take precaution to protect them we are going to have nothing to give to God. We need to be careful what exactly we do lust after because it can start to define us. I look back on all the boys I’ve liked and all the mistakes I’ve made and realize that even when I’ve been so mad at God for not giving me what I thought I wanted, He was protecting me from myself.

One of my biggest frustrations with girls today is that one of the biggest compliments has become,

“Any boy would be so lucky to have you.”

I’ve stopped telling my girlfriends this. Simply because we were created and destined to be so much more than someone’s Instagram Woman Crush Wednesday or even someone’s wife. Not that there isn’t pride in that, but God has plans for us, big plans when He can use us both with a man and without one. Now, I’m not saying that I’m not one of those girls that isn’t actively asking God to prepare me to be a wife and mother if he calls me to that, but I also want to work on desiring Him and growing to be a better person for my friends and family as well.

I want to get to the point where I don’t feel a twinge of sadness every time I watch a romantic comedy because I long to be the heroine who gets the handsome hero. Remember in those moments that we are already the heroines of the greatest story ever written. The story where God loved us so much He died for us. So the next time you are watching SYTD with your mom and you start lusting after having that perfect wedding and the perfect guy to match, remember this quote,

Beautiful girl in the office

Who Cares If I Wait: Sexual Purity 101

What is the point of waiting?

That is what millions of teenage girls ask themselves every day as they are debating having sex with their boyfriends again, or maybe for the first time ever.

Does anyone care that I wait? What is the big deal anyways?sexual purity quote

No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Or don’t you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18-20)

The topic of sexual purity is something that has always been controversial not only among members of society, but among members of the church body as well. Churches tend to handle sexual purity by either never addressing it, or by having mothers force their daughters to never even look at a boy. Nowadays, it is not uncommon for mothers to suggest birth control to their daughters or even to supply them with condoms. How are girls supposed to decide what to believe in when they are being sent so many mixed signals?  The Bible is the only place that can give us concrete evidence of God’s desire for us to wait.  He alone would do anything to protect our hearts and bodies.  sexual purity quote

Society today likes to poke fun at virgins any chance they can get. They like to make it seem like virginity is a disease that everyone needs to be cured of to be cool. It teaches boys to be perverse and to feel like failures as virgins, and it teaches us as girls that we are unwanted, a prude, or a tease if we have not let a boy properly deflower us. But God’s word tells us that we are to wait until we are married. We are taken by God, and God only. Not by our boyfriends or society.

“ This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”- Genesis 2:24

I’m not saying that if you abstain from having sex that God is going to send you your own personal knight in shining armor for waiting.  I am saying that part of loving God is being obedient to His wishes first and foremost. He is just trying to protect us from the emotional and physical repercussions that can be a direct result of having sex before marriage. If you have had sex before marriage, I do wholeheartedly believe that you can be forgiven and be like a virgin again in God’s eyes. You just need to ask Him and commit to it.

We need to learn to respect each other. Whether that means respecting someone’s decision to wait or not judging a friend who decided not to.

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 1 Corinthians 6:19

You are not your own. No matter what society, the world, or any boy will tell you, this is God’s truth. So ask yourself this question when thinking about your sexual purity. Is your body a temple, or is it a shrine to someone or something else?

 

Waiting For Mr. Right

“I am a Princess, not because I have a Prince. But because my father is the King and He is God.”

Being single is one of the hardest things to endure for any teenage girl. We all dream of that perfect guy God is going to bring us, and until then we are plenty busy planning our nonexistent weddings on Pinterest. But doesn’t being single get old? Especially when you are in college and your family members are constantly asking you, “So have you met any nice boys?” No one likes waiting for Mr. Right, especially when they are afraid that he is never going to come into the picture.

It can be hard to have someone you like not be interested in you, or the wrong person be interested in you, or just plain have no one be interested in you. But take heart girls, God makes no mistakes. I used to be really upset in high school when guys I talked to or people I pursued relationships with never seemed to work out the way I wanted them to. But then I realized around my senior year how grateful I was to God for protecting my heart from the things I thought I wanted. So many of the people I liked and had spent nights crying about not liking me had turned out to be far from God and definitely no one’s “prince charming”, much less my own. It says in Ecclesiastes that God’s timing is perfect.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”

At 18 years of age, I have plenty of time to meet the right boy, and so do all of you. We, unlike milk, won’t spoil or go bad from taking our time.

We don’t need to be afraid of the future when we know that God has already planned it out for us. One of
my favorite verses of the Bible is Jeremiah 29:11,

“For I know the plans I have for you, declared the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.”

God has a plan for us right now, right this very moment. That means we need to be living our lives glorifying Him and trying to fulfill His plan for us, not sitting around waiting for Mr. Right to ride in on his white horse. I know that waiting can be excruciatingly difficult, but I’ve learned from experience that being unhappy when you are waiting won’t change anything. As the great C.S. Lewis once stated, “Don’t let your happiness depend on something you may lose.”

We need to take the time when we are single to strengthen our relationship with God and with other people, not to waste it in worry. One day, I hope I will finally meet Mr. Right and we can ride off into the sunset together and live happily ever after.  Until I do, though, I intend to live every day trying to make this next quote become the goal of my heart.


singleness quote